Freaked out by the Yoga Teacher

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After crazy psychic, crazy yoga instructor.

I had two hours to kill yesterday before the Ru Paul show at the Stonewall Inn – TV contest for America’s best drag queen – so I rushed into a yoga center around the corner to attend a Kundalini yoga and meditation class. I’ve been discussing chakras with α as she is studying this chapter at yoga school right now and I thought mine would need a little dusting.

I had a strange feeling from the first moment. All the teachers were dressed in white. The studio was messy, no yoga mats but only blankets on the floor which made every move slippery. A lady even fell backwards on someone else. I heard a big noise so I opened my eyes and I saw this woman going completely off-balance. It was hard not to laugh.

Yoga Teacher was visibly illuminated. To illustrate synchronicity, she told us for five good minutes in lotus position how she met her “fiancé”: “We were at the airport. My friend was like, ‘Go talk to him’. Then I was on the plane.”  I didn’t understand one bit of her endless anecdote and what it was supposed to prove on the wisdom of the universe and how we are all connected. She made me want to stop believing in that.

Towards the end of class, she gave us as an assignment to resist any negative thoughts over the next 24 hours and to repeat a mantra if our mind shifted. She said it was our duty to keep ourselves in good mental shape when we have the awareness to do so, and she added that three of her friends committed suicide since the beginning of the year but it wasn’t their fault. As if we needed further evidence, she mentioned this man in Virginia who recently killed his wife and kids, “but it didn’t mean he didn’t love them, his mind just flipped.” All that in a very cool I-love-you- all tone. Ah, OK. I will stick to my mantra then.

After weird class I wanted to hang out in the lobby to get on drag mood, but the only sofa was occupied by two women dressed in white. One looked mentally disturbed and was crying in the arms of the other one. She seemed in panic and couldn’t speak, as if she had strong nerve issues. A third woman in white was on the phone to make an urgent appointment with a doctor.

I didn’t feel like hanging out there for too long. I wonder why. I have booked a two-week trial so I am tempted to go back just to take notes on nutcase land.

I love picking the wrong places.

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